Not sure how to take this...

For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him.

— Philippians 1:29 (NIV)

This is today's verse and I'm not sure how to take it. We have been struggling through the month with uncertainty and doubt. I've been fighting it and it's been a battle. I've had some good days, but mostly bad. Does this mean I'm supposed to be this way? Is this the way God intended me to be? Why would he want our family to suffer? What is his plan?

I am completely helpless in this position. I am working hard and getting more contracts to keep our bank account afloat but it still hurts to put our snowball on hold. I keep seeing the bank balances and wishing I could take a portion of it and completely pay off our last credit card. But, I am worried if I do that, we will regret it and wish we had the money to pay the mortgage sometime down the road if things don't turn around quickly.

Everything was going so great. We were well on the road to debt freedom and building a comfortable emergency fund. It was fun, it was exciting and it made me feel smart with our money. I've never felt that way before.

I pray hard that this detour is short and we can get back on our debt free journey again.